FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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