she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
