3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I love you. Go after that dick
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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