I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
