i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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