I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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