Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
