I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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