my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Randomize
