Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
