Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
