first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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