4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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