Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
