There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
