Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
this beer tastes like vomit already
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
It's never too late to be topless.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
