Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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