There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
