I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
