R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
