Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
