i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
