How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Come share oat with me in your robe
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
