look no pants
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
