smell my finger.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
