Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
