I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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