I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
