I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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