Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
