I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
