We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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