he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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