Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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