I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
