I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
