I bet he comes in French.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
