True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
