guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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