I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
