I wish I could teleport
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
