I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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