Non-Jews are for practice
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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