Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
