I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize