I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize