So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
