It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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