Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
