Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
