So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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