i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
