He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize