He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
They took my balls.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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