Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
