her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
