Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
