I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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