the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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