you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
