after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
