we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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