I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
