you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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