It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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