You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
