remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
