Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im part way to drunk.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
