Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
