I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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