"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She's JV to your varsity
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
