Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A+ Viking dick
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
