I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
