Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN

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(212): View more from New York

He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.

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(251): View more from Alabama

Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.

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(817): View more from Texas

Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.

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(408): View more from California

I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year

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(323): View more from California

How did I end up in the pool?!

(480): View more from Arizona

Welcome to ASU

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud

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