Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
