Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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