just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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