Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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